Preparing for Questions to the First Minister
IG. Right then, pay attention, Karen leave some of the cream buns for the rest of us, George, stop bouncing about, sit down. Right then, I'm sick of taking a kicking every week, we need some better ideas for FMQs. Anybody?
DM. Sound of Music!
IG. Sorry, Duncan, did you say "the Sound of Music"?
DM. Aye, that'll get them, they won't be expecting that!
IG. How, exactly is the Sound of Music good for FMQs?
DM. I went at hte weekend and it was pure mince - must be the SNP's fault.
GF. Was it a dressy-up one?
DM. Aye, excellent it was, great fun.
GF. Who did you go as?
DM. I went as a nun, best gear I've ever worn, I'll tell you. Waxing the bikini line was a bit severe, right enough, but I got to enjoying it so much that I did the whole lot - smooth as a whistle and once I'd put on a wee pair of silkies and slipped on a set of stockings I very nearly never left the hoose. Doon the Waterfront, got right in aboot it and danced the night away. Copped off wi a builder fae Port Glasgow - couldna help it, he had lederhosen on and I went weak at the knees.
IG. Thanks for that, Duncan, but I'm not sure we can use it. Anybody else got anything?
GF. What's that clicking noise?
WA. It's me, I'm knitting socks for sailors.
SP. Somethign constructive eventually then ...
IG. Sod it, I'll just do the same old gash instead. Right, then, "thiiiiings can only get better"