Sunday, April 26, 2009

Leader of the House - the Miserables

The brand new West End production of The Miserables has just launched. Sing along!



Leader of the House



Welcome, My friend, sit yourself down
And meet the best twister in town
As for the rest, all of 'em crooks:
Rooking their guests and cooking the books
Seldom you see
Honest women like me
With good intent
Who's content to be

Leader of the house, doling out the charm
Ready with a handshake and an open palm
Tells a saucy tale, makes a little stir
Constituents appreciate a bon-viveur
Glad to do a friend a favor
Doesn't cost me to be nice
But nothing gets you nothing
Everything has got a little price!


Leader of the house, keeper of the zoo
Ready to relieve 'em of a pound or two
Watering the wine, making up the weight
Pickin' up their knick-knacks when they can't see straight
Everybody loves a leader
Everybody's bosom friend
I do whatever pleases
Jesus! Won't I bleed 'em in the end!


Leader of the house, quick to catch yer eye
Never wants a passerby to pass him by
Servant to the poor, butler to the great
Comforter, philosopher, and lifelong mate!
Everybody's boon companion
Everybody's chaperone


But lock up your valises
Jesus! Won't I skin you to the bone!


Enter tax payer, lay down your load
Unlace your boots, rest from the road
This weighs a ton, travel's a curse
But here we strive to lighten your purse
Here the goose is cooked
Here the fat is fried
And nothing's overlooked
Till I'm satisfied
Food beyond compare. Food beyond belief
Mix it in a mincer and pretend it's beef
Kidney of a horse, liver of a cat
Filling up the sausages with this and that
Residents are more than welcome
Bridal suite is occupied
Reasonable charges
Plus some little extras on the side!

Charge 'em for the lice, extra for the mice
Two percent for looking in the mirror twice
Here a little slice, there a little cut
Three percent for sleeping with the window shut

When it comes to fixing prices
There are a lot of tricks he knows
How it all increases, all them bits and pieces
Jesus! It's amazing how it grows!


Leader of the house, quick to catch yer eye
Never wants a passerby to pass him by
Servant to the poor, butler to the great
Comforter, philosopher, and lifelong mate!
Everybody's boon companion
Gives 'em everything he's got


Dirty bunch of geezers
Jesus! What a sorry little lot!


I used to dream that I would meet a prince
But God Almighty, have you seen what's happened since?
Leader of the house?
Isn't worth me spit!
`Comforter, philosopher' and lifelong shit!
Cunning little brain, regular Voltaire
Thinks he's quite a lover but there's not much there
What a cruel trick of nature landed me with such a louse
God knows how I've lasted living with this bastard in the house!


Leader of the house!

Leader and a half!
Comforter, philosopher

don't make me laugh!
Servant to the poor, butler to the great
Hypocrite and toady and inebriate!


Everybody bless the landlord! Everybody bless his spouse!
Everybody raise a glass
Raise it up the leader's arse
Everybody raise a glass to the Leader of the House!

4 comments:

  1. Super! Nothing to do with your lyrics but someone left the room here when I was singing along. No regard for a good song I say.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Excellent,

    You're obviously a big fan!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thank you - you're all wonderful people.

    The people sing .... An inspiration!

    If they've left the room they should be brought back and made to listen to me sing - that'll teach them to stop while they're ahead!

    ReplyDelete